August 15, 2009

I'm glad I'm not a man.

Ah, Marriage. The wonderful things you learn about each other as the opposite of your own gender. I used to want to be a man for at least an hour, but marriage has drastically changed my mind. I thought that men had it so easy! they never have to put on makeup, or sit when they pee, to name just a few. I have come to really love beyonce's song "if I were a boy". it was what brought around this change of heart.

Here are my 5 top reasons that I am so glad I'm not a man.

5. As a woman, I already have hair sprouting under my arms and on my legs and other unmentionable places; getting it on my face would be Hell.

4. I am perfectly happy thinking about 15 different things at once. It adds variety to my life.

3. I enjoy being mature.

2. I wouldn't be able to wear all my cute clothes and shoes if i was a guy

1. the whole penis thing. It gets in the way ALL THE TIME, has a mind of it's own, and I am quite partial to getting kicked in the crotch without having to lay on the floor for half an hour trying to recover.

August 2, 2009

Ode to the soft pretzel

Lately, I have been craving Junk food. I know what some of you might be thinking, and no, I am not pregnant...... I think.

Things like French fries, gyros, and nachos I have craved for months. It must be a stress thing.

But the grand daddy of all my monstrous cravings has been the soft pretzel.

To my sinful snack,

How I long to caress the gentle curves of your delicious dough.

The sweet seduction of your savory, salt- flecked crust makes my head spin.

when I bite into your buttery, fluffy center, i get sent into endless bliss.

I only ask of you one favor, dear pretzel.

Please, don't make me fat.

Forever yours,