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Showing posts from August, 2009

I'm glad I'm not a man.

Ah, Marriage. The wonderful things you learn about each other as the opposite of your own gender. I used to want to be a man for at least an hour, but marriage has drastically changed my mind. I thought that men had it so easy! they never have to put on makeup, or sit when they pee, to name just a few. I have come to really love beyonce's song "if I were a boy". it was what brought around this change of heart.
Here are my 5 top reasons that I am so glad I'm not a man.
5. As a woman, I already have hair sprouting under my arms and on my legs and other unmentionable places; getting it on my face would be Hell.
4. I am perfectly happy thinking about 15 different things at once. It adds variety to my life.
3. I enjoy being mature.
2. I wouldn't be able to wear all my cute clothes and shoes if i was a guy
1. the whole penis thing. It gets in the way ALL THE TIME, has a mind of it's own, and I am quite partial to getting kicked in the crotch without having to lay on the…

Ode to the soft pretzel

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Lately, I have been craving Junk food. I know what some of you might be thinking, and no, I am not pregnant...... I think.
Things like French fries, gyros, and nachos I have craved for months. It must be a stress thing.
But the grand daddy of all my monstrous cravings has been the soft pretzel.
To my sinful snack,

How I long to caress the gentle curves of your delicious dough.

The sweet seduction of your savory, salt- flecked crust makes my head spin.

when I bite into your buttery, fluffy center, i get sent into endless bliss.
I only ask of you one favor, dear pretzel.

Please, don't make me fat.
Forever yours, Tessa