Goliath Dolphin

I made my first real enemy on sunday. it was at church. the worst and most unlikely place to make an enemy.
I'm sure there are plenty of people that don't like me, but I normally don't care, and can be cordial to them.
I define "enemy" as being a person that doesn't like me, but that i don't like right back. 100 fold.
I stood up for myself when this person crossed me. I used to let people walk all over me. not this person. I declared my rights as as a human being to her face, and now, i swear i'm going to have nightmares about her, cause i can't stop re-playing it in my head.
i've already imagined a plot or two.

There she'll be, pulling into our empty covered parking space in a beat-up pontiac.
Wearing one of those faux fur capes she bought at a 50's specialty thrift shop. it's funny, imagine her being dressed more fabulous than she ACTUALLY dresses in real life.
She walks through our gate un-invited. i just Happen to be home alone, cooking dinner for my husband.
It's dark outside, and my kitchen blinds are shut tight. She knocks softly. I walk nervously to the door, knife in hand. "who in the world could this be?' i wonder.
I open the door to find HER, with that all too familiar, annoying, smart-ass, know-it -all smirk on her face.

"Can i help you?" i would say with sincerity. maybe she came to apologize. But still, my instincts tell me differently, and i grip my kitchen knife tighter.

no words. Just a small revolver, pulled swiftly out of her canvas primary bag, and pointed at my face.
i open my mouth to scream, but she pulles the trigger before any sound can come out. BANG!
I fall limply to the floor, thinking, "oh HELL naw"
but the damage was done. i'm laying there, on my dining room floor. Door wide open, and a bullet lodged in my nasal cavity... All before 7:00. That bitch. Now my pork loin is going to get dry.

Blood pools fro my head, and SHE walks away like it was as easy as playing popcorn popping.

I tried to cut my plot off there. i don't really want to know what happens when i'm found. or how i get found, for that matter.
 i still re-play this scene several times a day.
it makes me live each day like my last, so i'm kind of grateful for it.


  1. You are something else. And I may have just peed my pants laughing. Not that your untimely and equally awful demise was worthy of laughter but it was a tad funny the way you so gracefully worded everything.
    Here's to not being gunned down by primary bag carrying, gun toting, goliath dolphins!

  2. I LOL'd at "That bitch. Now my pork loin is going to get dry."


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