The art of Pooping

I have the strangest fear of toilets. Especially the ones at my work.

Last year, the main building had clogged plumbing, and the kindergarten room I worked in, was in the main building. one day in april, right around easter, I felt that nature was about to call, and she wasn't very happy, so i excused myself to use the faculty bathroom. I walk through the lounge, turn the corner, and there was an out of order sign on the bathroom door. So i hightailed it out of there, thinking maybe i could get the key to the other bathroom across campus from my supervisor. She kindly suggested that i just use the bathroom that was in the classroom- the bathroom that she always uses, so it's always clean. So, I took her up on her offer. Before, I used to just not liking to use a shared bathroom because I 'm afraid i'll leave a toxic smell, and that would embarrass the heck out of me. So, I used to flush immediatley after I felt I had
"emptied" all that i had. I did it on this particular day. Not a great idea. I was lucky the poop flushed all the way down. but it was still flushing, and i hadn't wiped yet. flushing.....flushing.... this can't be good. I'm not even sure I did a quality job of cleaning up, but I jumped off that toilet and zipped my pants faster than humanly possible, and RAN out of the bathroom screaming as the contents of the toilets poured out onto the ground like a fountain. My classroom and the one next door were flooded with 2 inches of water in 5 minutes. the playground right outside the door looked as though it had been irrigated. MORTIFYING. i will NEVER ever be afraid of my poop smelling up the whole bathroom ever again!
I have bigger fears now, but i have found a way to manage them. I close and lock the door to the bathroom. I do my business, and try to use as little toilet paper as possible in the process. I wash and dry my hands, unlock the door, flush with my foot, and racewalk out of the lounge before i can take resposiblity for the smell, or the flood.

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