Showing posts from 2011


Celebrating a new year has become increasingly more sentimental to me as I have gotten older. I always make a list of resolutions for the new year. The list is really big this year. It went something like this:

Make the dean's list this semester
Remember birthdays
send handwritten letters
take more pictures
get healthy- there are several things that I'm not doing that I really SHOULD be. like drinking more fluids. and exercising.
Have immaculate hygiene (gross, I know. long story short, I am not so great with taking care of myself. I've never been taught how. I adjusted things according to what I was teased about.)
Hug people
say" I love you" more often
be positive
smile more
watch less netflix
keep up all my journals (one for me, one for Pax)
study my scriptures daily.
pray daily
attend the temple once a month
Breastfeed Pax for the rest of the year.
Magnify my calling
read the ensign

And so on.

Needless to say, I have quite a bit that I need to improve on. Some…

How to create your personal history

I currently serve as a family history consultant in my ward, and I have developed a love for personal histories. We forget, as members of the LDS church that doing genealogy work is not limited to pedigree charts and finding names to take to the temple. A personal history is congruent with the 3 fold mission of the church. Perfect the saints. Redeem the dead. Proclaim the gospel. A Journal is therapeutic tool. It can be a tool for perfecting ourselves, and also a wonderful way to share the gospel with our kindred. The Book of Mormon itself is a history of an ancient civilization. We can redeem the dead mainly through temple work. The spirits our our kindred dead remain on the earth with us, and they know the work that we do. When we write in our journals about them, or look at photos of them, it is a type of redemption.
Documenting your personal history can be achieved by different things.

The most popular is taking photographs. I encourage you to take a picture a day, and thoroughly d…


My stuffed mushrooms. Don't be fooled, these are heaven.

Bacon wrapped asparagus.... mmmmhyes

Sweet potato quinoa salad. It was nice and fresh.

The bird. It turned out alright.

the cran-daddy cooler was delish.

the table. It makes me proud.


This morning, I'm a little bitter.

John and I have been trying to get Pax on a sleep schedule, and last night was the worst night we have ever had. Ever.

I've been reading a book called "The no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, to try and get our bedtime circumstances under control. Her emphasis is on a sleep-associating nightly bedtime routine. Supposedly, if your baby knows that you read a book and take a bath before going to sleep- they will put themselves to sleep when the time comes. I liked her theories because she is against the cry it out mindset. I am too. I think letting your baby cry until they fall asleep is selfish and cruel, not to mention permanently damaging. There is heavy research that supports my views, as well.

That being said, Bedtime with Paxton the last few weeks has been hard. I came very close to putting him in his own room with the door closed and just letting him cry because I didn't know what else to do.

We started him on a reg…

New toy

Pax has been dragging the most unusual thing around the house with him.
Any guesses?
Yep. a pad. I guess he liked the crinkle sound the wrapper makes. I have NO idea where he found it but it kept him quiet. After this photo it was taken away, and he fusses once again.
The future of gynecology is in good hands.

on my heart

Life for us is NUTS right now. I started my first real semester of college on August 18th and It's been stressing me out. It's all online, but accelerated. I have 5 classes this semester, but I have 3 this term (7.5 weeks) and 2 next term. There is no cumulative final and I have the flexibility of doing my homework/ assignments when I have time and wherever my laptop is. Trying to be the mom I want to be for paxton, the wife I want to be for John and the student I want to be for me, Is the hardest thing I have done. That's saying a lot. This is harder that natural childbirth- and THAT is hard. I have wanted to quit MANY times. Sometimes, I have wanted to quit being a mom and wife, and that was more painful to deal with. I could be a student for the rest of my life- I enjoy it that much. I have learned SO MUCH. I feel spread really thin just because I have higher expectations of myself than what I am actually capable of, and on the other hand, I'm not performing to THE …

Veggie Tales

For the past four days, I have not consumed : Meat, dairy, eggs, sugar, salt, beans, seeds, or grains.
What I have been consuming has consisted of  fresh veggie and fruit juices, smoothies, and cooked and raw fruits and vegetables.
So far, i've noticed that I sleep better and fall asleep faster and my energy levels have not suffered. I can do the same amount of work without needing as much fuel. I should do much better about drinking water-  would probably feel like wonder woman by now if I drank enough. The first three days were hard. I was just plain hungry and wanted to eat everything the first day, craved meat and dairy the second day, and craved starches and sugar the third. Today, I don't crave anything. I'm just hungry, but that's because I haven't eaten yet this morning.

I also fed Paxton his first bits of broccoli. Not very succesful

I also found that he LOVES watching veggie tales. I turned it on for him one morning just to see what he would do, and to my …

Diaper Acrobatics


worth a thousand words

we're still alive. Just barely. Here's proof:


Hide and seek

I've gone into hiding for a while. I've deleted my Facebook account, my twitter, and ravaged the list of blogs I followed. I got released from primary. Kind of happy about it. I was spending too much time looking into everyone else's lives and not working on mine. I have been struggling with my faith, and after making the grueling realization that I've got a lot of repenting to do, I now hide while I seek.
I've been doing much better this past month, with the exception of a few days. I have been diligent with journaling. I keep 2 and I am working on a third. My personal Journal, a journal that I record Paxton's milestones and anecdotes in, and a gratitude journal. I also have picked up my scriptures a few times. I have not read them regularly since the hubster and I came to be. But my longest absence..... six months, give or take. Not one jot or tittle. I'm as astounded as you are.  Sunday, I managed to feel the spirit. Not at church- in my own home. Lately I…


If any of you "followers" out there know me via Facebook, most of you are aware that my husband and I recently got back from our florida vacation. We Stayed in my hometown- Mostly to see family, but also to see whomever wanted to see us. 

It felt so good to be around my family again.I was really missing my mom and siblings. 
My Dad hasn't changed. I'm tired of being tactful when it comes to talking about my father. Or for anything else for that matter. I was really heartbroken and very hurt that regardless of family- nobody went out of their way to visit us- or even asked to meet somewhere for that matter. And the ones who said they would- are just a bunch of liars. I even had 1 person I used to be close with look me in the eyes and just walk away like I wasn't even there. ANd then my Dad Decided to be an @$$hole the entire time my mom was on vacation and home with us. That probably hurt the most. That being said- screw you all.
"friends" and even some fami…


The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

I discovered the mother's room at church Last sunday. I knew they existed, but didn't know that Our building had one.
I took Paxton in there this past fast Sunday. It's my new favorite place. Padded armchair-rockers, a changing station, diaper pail, sink, ,mirror and privacy wall. They also have the meeting piped into the room so you Don't miss out on anything potentially important.
The moment I sat down and began to nurse Paxton, all cuddled up under the Blankie his Yaya made, I felt completely at peace. A feeling I haven't felt in a VERY long time. Nursing was a breeze, listening to the speakers in sacrament meeting was enjoyable. I was  very comfortable.they keep that room nice and cool with air conditioning. At that moment, motherhood didn't feel so demanding. All the sacrifices I made b…


This was me at 210 pounds:  cookie in hand and everything! mind you, I was carrying a 8 pound 4 ounce human being inside of me at the time of this picture.
I was also in labor when this picture was taken. I gained a whopping 60 pounds during my pregnancy. I stepped on my bathroom scale 4 hours after the birth(which I did at home)and I weighed 180 pounds.  As My sweet baby and I taught each other how to breastfeed, I lost tons of water weight, and of course, the breastfeeding burns an amazing amount of calories.
This is an AWFUL picture (kinda glad it's blurry, but you can still see my size), but this is us eight days later, and I weighed 174 pounds.

At almost 3 months post-partum, I have hit my plateau at 165. I have not lost anymore. and so this is the start of my journey back to THIS body:  This was me on my wedding day. 120 pounds of perfection. those pants were a size 4. I gained 30 pounds in 2 years of marriage.
i guess 50 pounds is a big deal, so I thought I'd hold myself more ac…

Starting over

Paxton is asleep. My house is a garbage tip. My insides are a mess.

My coping skills need to be dusted off.
I've really been struggling lately. I started going into detail, but at the risk of boring you all to death, I'll just keep it short.I guess I'm more private than I thought. Or just too lazy, probably.
I'm starting over.  I don't like the person I've become, and I'm going into a "rehab" of sorts.
I've repented, but still need some more repenting to do. I HAVE TO RE-BUILD MY TESTIMONY FROM SCRATCH. I have to re-build my marriage from scratch. I am re-building my life from ashes.
Please pray for me.
I can't do this alone.

Brace yourself.

Updated 1/19/2013

*it's been almost two years since Paxton joined our family. I don't know if it's because of the time that has passed, or if it's because i'm pregnant again and reminiscing about going through labor , but I'm remembering a lot more details of his birth story

I had a baby. That still sounds bizarre to me, but I did. I had a baby. Life does not feel remotely close to what it used to feel like.  that's probably a good thing. It's something I have never felt before.It's a remarkable change. It's squeaky clean. A page has turned. It's a New life.
The superficial living has absentmindedly left us. It's not about us anymore. It's about US now. I feel a stronger gravitational pull towards my family, my faith, my husband, and new experiences in general. No, I am not the same person anymore. I have SO MUCH to loose now. My level of vulnerability seems through the roof. I feel unable to protect myself from pain- and I'm not so sure I…

Any day now/ It's been peachy

holy cow. 40 weeks. He's due on wednesday. this is it, don't get scared now.

My midwife estimated his size at 8 lbs. 12 oz as of today. He's going to be a 9-pounder when he actually comes. yikes.
my mom has been here for a week. It's been peachy. I haven't cooked a single meal or done the dishes once. Fabulous. I am really glad she's here. REALLY glad. My dad and two younger siblings are leaving florida on wednesday and should be here saturday. I am going to pray EXTRA hard for the baby to come before then. feb 3rd would be perfect.  It gives me 2 days to nest. yeah. did you hear that pax? you have 2 days to say goodbye to your comfy spot inside my belly, ok? ok.
The power of positive thinking!

This shall be framed and hung

I got the SWEETEST gift from my supervisor today. It was a photocopy of a poetic article written on boys. It goes like this:
My favorite part- the part that will be painted or vinyl lettered on the wall of this little man's bedroom will be  "A boy is truth with dirt on it's face, beauty with a cut on it's finger, wisdom with bubble gum in it's hair, and the hope of the future with a frog in it's pocket."
I'm in love. And it's not even friday! who'da thunk?

Let's lighten up, shall we?

It seems as though i have been completely consumed by morbid realities and sadness- my last three posts have been overwhelmingly depressing. I've been a bit pensive and thinking about a lot of heavy stuff, and it shows.
let's get the happy posts going again. (sorry it took me so long)

I'm excited.
my last day of work is on thursday. My mommy flies in on saturday. I turn 21 (yes, 21)next wednesday. Sunday is my last sunday in primary for a while. Today is my last birthing class. I am one week closer to being a Mom. And I get to hang up or burn several hats that I have worn for a long time. no more teacher hat. no more primary hat for a while. no more student hat. no mom hat yet. i get to focus on wearing only two. wife and daughter.
ahhhhhhhhh. Calgon couldn't make me feel this good.

on another note: i love this little dog.