May 3, 2011

Melty.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh


I discovered the mother's room at church Last sunday. I knew they existed, but didn't know that Our building had one.

I took Paxton in there this past fast Sunday.
It's my new favorite place. Padded armchair-rockers, a changing station, diaper pail, sink, ,mirror and privacy wall. They also have the meeting piped into the room so you Don't miss out on anything potentially important.

The moment I sat down and began to nurse Paxton, all cuddled up under the Blankie his Yaya made, I felt completely at peace. A feeling I haven't felt in a VERY long time. Nursing was a breeze, listening to the speakers in sacrament meeting was enjoyable. I was  very comfortable.they keep that room nice and cool with air conditioning. At that moment, motherhood didn't feel so demanding. All the sacrifices I made because I thought it would be the best for my babies, feels like a chore most days. But that day, right then, it was SO worth feeling this way. 


Before John and I found out we were expecting a baby, we would sit and dream aloud about our children and the daily traditions we wanted to start, one of them being singing our babies to sleep every night. I have done this often, but not every night. I think it was this last weekend that pax and I had our fun in the bathtub, got in our jammies and cuddled up in bed. He was looking me right in the eyes and giving me one of those open mouthed smiles that make your heart melt. Almost as if he were saying " i love you SO much, mommy! you're my best friend" I then began singing primary songs, and as his eyes began to droop and get heavy with sleep, i listened to the words that i was singing to him:

"I'm trying to be like Jesus, 
I'm following in his ways.
I'm trying to love as he did, in all that i do and say;
at times I am tempted to make the wrong choice,
but I try to listen as the still small voice whispers:
Love one another as Jesus loves you, 
try to show kindness in all that you do, 
be gentle, and loving, in deed and in thought;
for these are the things Jesus taught."

by the time i get to the second verse, i am usually teary and can't get the words out.

"i'm trying to love my neighbor,
i'm learning to serve my friends.
I watch for the day of gladness when Jesus will come again.
I try to remember the lessons he taught, 
but the holy spirit enters into my thoughts, saying:
Love one another as Jesus loves you
try to show kindness in all that you do
be gentle and loving in deed and in thought
for these are the things Jesus taught."

at this point, i am laying next to my sweet baby with tears in my eyes. not only is he now asleep, but i had just successfully taught him about his older brother, and Redeemer by singing him that song. I was left in complete awe at this perfect creature laying next to me, who probably knows Jesus better than I do. And yet heavenly father lets me be his parent. what an incredible privilege i have.

I know I will have days where I just want to bang my head on the table because Paxton Just spat his binky out for the 20th time during a nap, and I have to go ALL THE WAY back upstairs to put it back in for him so he can go back to sleep. (like right now. which reminds me, NEVER will I live in a 2 story home again!)
But it will make those oh so sweet moments, that much sweeter.

Mother's day is this sunday. I hope to listen to whomever speaks from the safe confines of the mother's room. I am really excited. Not just because I finally get another day where I feel special, but because I look forward to the handmade cards , haphazard drawings and weeds picked out of our yard in boquet-like fashion. From Paxton and our other children(cause I know there are more sweet spirits waiting for us)in the years to come.

1 comment:

  1. Very sweet. Thanks for making motherhood easier for me.

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