Lessons learned

I did it. I officially withdrew from beauty school.

It's been a difficult decision, but I feel so much lighter. I've decided to eliminate the beauty world from my life. The beauty blog, my twitter account, the YouTube channel..... Everything.

I go through this re-assessment phase pretty often. Usually once a year.

While my lack of consistency and inability to see things through to the end really annoy me (& John. Probably more him than me) I walk away from this experience and all others, grateful and feeling enriched.

I have learned so much over the year. I have learned more about myself than I did about hair, skin,& nails .

1. I'm content with my weaknesses. I've stopped self-loathing because I couldn't seem to do anything right ( the things I thought I should be doing & good at) and now I just accept it because it makes me feel better about me.

2. I love everything about knowledge and learning. I'm a sponge and I am not content with dedicating my life to one subject. This is probably because I had the " same $h!t, different day" routine for most of my upbringing. I also learn really fast, and I love to be my own expert on everything. So long as I do the research, and base my opinions on the truth, I also love to share what I have learned.

3. I get bored quickly.
Cause I learn quickly, everything else that comes after the basics is just redundant.

4. I cannot stand monotony.
I thrive on change and new experiences. See # 2 for clarification.

5. I'm passionate about things based on truth. Notice I didn't say " facts" but truth. There is truth everywhere, and it makes me feel a deeper awareness and bond with my father in heaven. Life is a series of contradicting " facts" and linking the underlying truths make it easier for me to live.

6. It is not my goal in life to be what my husband wants me to be. It's my goal to be ME while complimenting him and his HIM-ness, and learning how to be one person. this is so much more challenging than I give it credit, because John and I are LITERALLY opposites, bound together by basically, only love. interestingly, we love each other for the same reasons.

7. I'm happiest when I feel free and productive. I like the ability of doing whatever I want. I still have to let go of the tendency to limit myself ( not enough money, takes too much time, too silly or frivolous , etc.)

8. I'm an analyzer and I like to think logically. Usually, this stresses me out, because I over-analyze when i cant organize emotions and logic, and create problems that are not there. So I'm logical and illogical at the same time.

9. I need creative abilities in order to have an outlet for all the emotions I feel at once
I was a very creative child. Drawing and painting and crafts brought me peace in a traumatizing environment.

10. I'm selfish in a way that motivation comes from me. I can't commit to anything for someone else, and I sure cant commit to anything to prove anyone wrong. None of that matters to me. Personal growth and improvement are my only motivators ( they used to be fear and approval). If I'm not true to myself, what good am I?

11. I prize sincerity and empathy above all.

Comments

  1. I love your list.

    The first point reminded me of a quote I read by Elder Maxwell - "Self-loathing is of Satan. there is none of it in heaven." I have to remind myself of it often as I have a tendency to be very negative towards me. If you are interested, read the book Weakness is not a sin by Wendy Ulrich. Amazing book. Really.

    I know what you mean about having interests all over the place. I can't ever seem to "buckle" down and pick one thing. I learn a lot, then get bored. I find that I have a few "standards": music, art, writing, reading, studying, analyzing. They go in and out in phases.

    And I say, who cares? I don't need to pick one. This life is supposed to be full and rich. Look at Da Vinci. I'm a renaissance woman.

    Anyways...love the post. And keep me updated as to when you are in this part of the valley! :)

    AND OH MY GOSH AS I WRITE THIS I REALIZE THAT I TOTALLY SPACED THE SHOWER! I have a problem with committment. A real problem. I have been "spacing" things all the time. Even things that I want to go to, and I get mad at myself for missing them. I'm so sorry!!!!!!!!! (self-loathing phase shall commence now).

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