setbacks

I've been back on Facebook for less than a week, and I have felt the anxiety begin to re-emerge.
I'm a little bitter that I have to be on facebook in order for anyone to really be in touch with me. I enjoy connecting with people a lot, and it's depressing that I don't have more people to call.

But there is so much fear-mongering and information on my news feed, that it upsets me- and I don't even know it. I didn't notice anything until last night, when I had a random anxiety episode despite being surrounded by people I really love spending time with; and it continued into this morning after watching a video of a woman giving birth in the car, and it really disturbing me. I felt so good all week last week. so free.  I can't stand this anxiety.

It's a lot harder for me to remember how far I have come
It's a lot harder to take care of myself.
It's a lot harder to be happy with my children, and to be patient with them. I was yelling at them as soon as they got out of bed this morning for literally no reason.

Something just isn't right, and so I think a very serious inventory at my facebook account is in order. Ideally I wouldn't have one at all, but that leaves me more lonely and isolated than ever due to everyone being busy and not really having time to either text me or send me an e-mail. Instead I'm just going to severely clean up my account (again) and be a lot more strict with my usage. If that doesn't work, I will have no choice but to eliminate facebook for good.


Comments

  1. I have been silently following your story for some time now. I want to thank you. Thank you for being so open and honest. As I have read I have found comfort to know that I am not the only one who struggles with things in life. One can always rebuild after hardships. It is takes hard work, but can be done. I found a lot of comfort from your story. Thank you. Keep holding on, you can do it. We all can!

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